


Maybe

by jesusgivesmeorgasms



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, Dysphoria, FTM, FTM Dean, FTM!Dean, M/M, destiel (it doesn't go into anything romantic but the ship is there if you want it to be), trans!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:44:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3423302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesusgivesmeorgasms/pseuds/jesusgivesmeorgasms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is having trouble dealing with his dysphoria.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Other than random tumblr prompts, this is my first actual fic thing I've written. I'm just really in love with ftm!Dean. Hope you enjoy!

Dean clenched his fists to keep from hitting the mirror. He didn’t want to leave evidence for Sam to find of his breakdown. He sniffed and cleared his throat, angrily wiping away tears as he avoided his reflection and left the bathroom to head straight for his bedroom and slam the door shut.  
That’s when he broke.

Sinking to the floor with his back against the door, silent and angry sobs made his body shake. He pushed on his chest to force them down, grimacing as his hands came in contact with the breasts that shouldn’t be there. The breasts that were flattened as much as possible to hide them.

He took in a sharp breath, holding it as emotions swelled inside him, making him feel shaky and hot all over.

It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. His head slammed back against the door and his legs dropped flat, exhaustion leaching all of the strength from his body as tears slid hot and heavy down his cheeks. _This isn’t fair…_

His eyes slid shut and he tried to force his breathing to steady. In, out. In, out.

A flutter of wings stirred the air ever so slightly and he didn’t even bother opening his eyes.

“Go away, Cas.” The break in his voice had him swallowing hard, throat burning with held in sobs.

“Dean-”

“Go _away_.” His eyes were open now, red from crying.

Castiel gently knelt down in front of him, concern written on his features.

“I’m not going to leave you alone when you’re hurting like this, Dean.” The angel’s voice was gentle, soothing him just the slightest bit.

Dean just shook his head, drawing his knees up to his chest.

A hand went out to rest against Dean’s shoulder, fingers lining up with the mark that had been left there years before.

Dean stared for a minute before finally opening his mouth. “I…I’m just tired, Cas. I’m _tired_.” His eyes shut on his last word, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill again. “I’ve never told you this…hell, Sam and Bobby are the only ones I’ve ever told...” He swallowed hard, forcing himself to go on. The hand on his shoulder stayed firm, grounding him enough to be able to keep talking. “Cas, I…I’m a girl. Well, not anymore. But I was born a girl…I mean, I still have girl parts and stuff but I’m a man now. I guess. Fuck, I don’t know. I’ll never be a _real_ man but I wanna be, Cas. I wanna be _so bad,_ but I—”

Dean was silenced by a hand over his mouth and his eyes flew open to see calm blue ones watching him intently.

“Dean, I know that you were born female.”

Dean felt sick. Cas had known the whole time? He let out a muffled sob against the angel’s hand as he tried to look away.

“I put you back together piece by piece when I took your soul from Hell, Dean. But—Dean, _listen to me_.”

His gaze was forced back up by the hand moving to cup his chin.

“The parts that you were given at birth do not dictate who you are, Dean Winchester. You are the most amazing man I have ever met. What you have under your clothes will never change that. You are who you are and that’s all there is to it.”

There was no stopping his tears now and all Dean could do was nod. Castiel, who had pulled his ass out of hell, who had pieced him back together, who had fought by his side for so long, he believed that Dean was a man.

Maybe…

Maybe Dean could keep believing it too.


End file.
